May 1, 2009 — In the past week, St. Croix has suffered the very different but equally tragic suicides of 11-year-old Jaheem Luis Herrera and Judge Francis D'Eramo, changing forever the lives of hundreds, if not thousands, and giving many more pause to question what it means, what could have been done and what can be done to keep it from happening again.
"Few suicides happen without warning," said Laurie Christian, director of the Virgin Islands' teen hotline program, at a talk on suicide prevention earlier this week. The signs can easily be overlooked, or dismissed as idle talk or dramatics, their significance apparent only after it is too late.
And people don't like to pry into personal matters or ask questions like "are you thinking about killing yourself?" But suicide claims a surprising number of lives, surprising perhaps because the topic was taboo not so long ago.
People bemoan the clock-like regularity of violent crime and the high numbers of murders both in the Virgin Islands and the U.S. as a whole. Yet, Christian said, for every three murders in the U.S. there are five suicides. Suicide is the second leading cause of death among college students.
Learning the warning signs can help you to help a friend, a family member, or yourself from becoming the next statistic. Both direct and vague or indirect threats to kill oneself should be taken very seriously, Christian said.
Often, friends and family who hear comments about suicide don't take it seriously because they can't imagine that it isn't a joke or over-the-top drama.
Taking the signs seriously can save lives. At the same time, it is important not to place or take blame after a suicide. You cannot know for certain whether any action would have been effective.
Aside from actually speaking about killing themselves, other warning signs Christian highlighted include:
– sudden changes in behavior;
– significant losses;
– giving away treasured possessions;
– tying up loose ends;
– self-destructive behavior and;
– writing about death.
If someone's behavior changes drastically after a loved one dies, for example, that might be something to look a little closer at. Or if a friend inexplicably gives you a prized or expensive personal possession, something you know they like, press them about it.
Feelings of helplessness and hopelessness are naturally associated with thoughts of suicide, and children are especially vulnerable to such feelings.
"Many of the options we take for granted as an adult; where you live, work or go to school, they are often completely out of the control of a child," Christian said. "A child usually has no say in where they go to school and if they don't like it, there is usually nothing they can do about it."
The Herrera suicide may have been connected to bullying at school, for instance. Imagine if when you went to work, you faced a daily risk of being punched and beaten by a group of coworkers, while your other coworkers derisively mock you for having been singled out for beatings and public humiliations. Done to a child by other children, it shrinks in the minds of adults to a humorous rite of passage. There is good reason why a bullied child might feel helpless or hopeless.
So what should you do if you have a friend you're worried about? Talk to them. Ask them probing questions. Be direct. And don't keep a secret. If someone passes you a note, saying don't open it unless something happens, open it and tell someone.
"You don't want to keep a secret and find out too late what was really happening," Christian said.
Take threats of suicide seriously and call whoever you need to get a response. Christian oversees the Virgin Islands' Teenline, a hotline teens can call for help, not only with suicidal thoughts or concerns about friends, but with any problem or crisis. The Teenline number is 713-8336.
Women attempt suicide more often than men, though because men are more likely to use handguns than women, more men actually die from suicide. The Women's Coalition has resources to help and counseling services and can be reached at 773-9272.
If there is an imminent situation or cause for concern, don't be afraid to call 911 if other options haven't been successful too. Human Services can help if inpatient services are needed. On St. Croix you can call 773-2323 or on St. Thomas 774-0930.
If you are worried about someone, or if you have been thinking of suicide yourself, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
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