Feb. 18, 2007 — Violence has become a pressing problem in the territory that needs a community-wide solution, speakers said at a weekend conference.
"If many of you are like me, sometimes when you listen to the news, you see that violence is at the top of the list of the things that are happening in our community," said Sandra Hodge-Benjamin, the Family Resource Center's executive director. "We hear about our children, and how they are committing a lot of the crimes. So what we're hoping to do with this conference is plant some seeds, and set a precedent to see how we can work together collaboratively and share the information about what resources are out there."
The conference, held at the Palms Court Harborview Hotel on St. Thomas, gave several local organizations the opportunity to educate community members about domestic violence and abuse prevention. Over a two-day period, various speakers discussed how to recognize the warning signs of abuse or neglect, and what resources are available for residents coping with domestic violence.
Sponsored by the Family Resource Center, the conference also allowed residents to interact with representatives from agencies such as the Department of Human Services, Kidscope and the Domestic Violence and Abuse Prevention Council. Each organization offered pamphlets to residents participating in the conference, which offered tips on coping with abuse and how parents can get more involved with their children's lives.
Called the "Strengthening Families Initiative," the conference also focused on the idea of building and repairing the local family structure. Participants included a handful of parents, school officials and students who offered a range of suggestions on the subject, which ranged from the need to offer sensitivity training for police officers to getting parents to spend more time with their kids.
Throughout the conference, speakers and participants interacted on a range of activities, sharing their experiences with abuse and how they were able to cope with their situations.
During the first day, speakers said the key to handling abuse is recognizing the various warning signs, or "red flags," that emerge throughout a relationship, and knowing who to call when violence occurs. According to Hadiya Silcott, an intern at the Family Resource Center, victims often find themselves caught in an ongoing cycle or pattern of abuse that makes it hard for them to distance themselves from the "batterer."
"Domestic abuse doesn't just involve your immediate family, like your parents or siblings," she said. "If you're married, for example, that's also considered a family unit. If you're living with someone, and they hit you, whenever something occurs within the home, that's domestic violence. And that's what makes it so terrible — the home is supposed to be a place of peace, not a place of violence."
Victims of domestic abuse, because they are involved emotionally with their abusers, find it difficult to extract themselves from the home, Silcott explained. However, she cautioned residents to recognize that there is a cycle during which abuse can occur, and said it's up to the victim to take charge in domestic-abuse situations.
"First there's the honeymoon phase, when everything's going fine, and you always want to be around the other person," she said. "But then there's a second phase, when the tension begins to build, and the two of you have little arguments. The tension then keeps building, until you feel like you're walking on eggshells. And when that tension begins to tip over, then comes the actual act of abuse — the slap, the cuss out, the punch. That's when it's time to get out."
James Grayer, director of the Office of Intake and Emergency Services at the Department of Human Services, said the same pattern manifests itself in child-abuse victims.
"There's always a cycle," he said. "It begins with the honeymoon phase and ends with actual physical punishment, punishment that is a detriment to our children. And if our children aren't strong, then our futures aren't strong."
Last year Human Services responded to 8,000 calls "from everything ranging from child abuse to child death," Grayer said. A majority of those calls came from outside reports, he said.
"And that is what we have to encourage," he said. "People down here say, 'I keep my business in my backyard,' so we say, 'I can't interfere if that mother or father is beating or neglecting their children.' But you and I must pay attention. It takes all of us. It takes not only a village, but villages, to raise children."
Other speakers featured during the conference built on Grayer's presentation, discussing the kinds of services offered to victims of child abuse and their families. They stressed the need to enroll children in counseling, offering a safe space for the child to interact with an "adult they trust."
"I believe those children can recover," said Jennifer Cherry, a licensed therapist at Kidscope, an organization based on St. Thomas. "I have to believe — because after everything is said and done, there is still a child that's hurting, and they need someone to be there for them."
Other presentations given over the two-day event also focused on offering tips for conflict resolution and anger management, child development and offering concrete support for families in crisis.
For more information on the conference, or to talk to a domestic violence or abuse representative, contact: the Family Resource Center at 776-3966 (on St. Thomas); the Safety Zone at 693-7233 (on St. John); and the Women's Coalition at 773-9272 (on St. Croix).
Teens in crisis may also call the Teen Line at 713-8336. All conversations are kept confidential.
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