In his biweekly column, Langley Shazor speaks to issues important to men within the territory.
It is not a loss if someone not meant for your future leaves. It is not a loss if you walk away from someone who has been toxic. It is not a loss if a relationship dissolves that was weighing on your mental and emotional health. It is not a loss if you were losing yourself trying to please that person. It is not a loss if your home life and family suffered from the stress of your job. It is not a loss when you lose a job that you disliked. It is not a loss when you are undervalued and underappreciated. It is not a loss if the stress of your job is affecting your physical, mental, and emotional health. It is not a loss if a “friend” who was always making withdrawals but never deposits into you walks out.
We have become so accustomed to “sticking it out” or “dealing with it” that we allow ourselves to be misused, abused, and neglected. What makes the previous statement not as cut and dry as it sounds, is because many of us don’t want to work on or through something worthwhile. The moment things get difficult, we like to bail. Before we get into the discussion of being thankful for some things that didn’t work out, I want to point out that this is not license to refuse to put effort into something or someone. Many people sidestep accountability under the guise of protecting their mental health. Those in authority abuse their titles and power to mistreat others because they know they can uproot the quality of life. Those situations are not ones we are obligated to endure. However, simply running from responsibility is unacceptable. A good relationship, job, entrepreneurial venture, or other endeavor will require work. This is an investment, not a chore.
Many of us are labeled as “difficult” or “toxic” because we refuse to lower our standards and we enforce our boundaries. We are fully aware of our ethical, moral, and social compasses, and to what direction they point. We have endured many trials and tests which have left us bruised, battered, and sometimes broken. Yet, through all of this, we have learned, improved, and prevailed. These victories do not come without collateral damage and loss. When you begin to take yourself seriously, love yourself more, protect your mind and your energy, and start your journey of self-discovery, you are going to be shown the character of many individuals. Not everyone will celebrate your growth. No one is exempt from contempt: family, spouses, colleagues, friends, etc.
Every room you stepped into had spies and saboteurs in it, what has changed is your recognition of them as you continue your transition. There is an inherent risk whenever you are dealing with people. I don’t say this to make you afraid, but to make you aware. You have no idea who a person is until you engage with them, and it may take time for their true nature to appear. Some will undoubtedly enhance your life, while others will try to destroy it. But this work you are doing will bring more of the former type into your circle and help you identify the imposters much quicker. Also, don’t be surprised when some remove themselves. It will likely be unexpected, disappointing, and hurtful, but remember that it is no different than you walking away. The separation was necessary regardless of who facilitated it.
Your growth depends on the removal of anchors. Your liberation will come on the heels of disconnection. Your blessing is on the other side of burnt bridges. The elimination of obstacles is often achieved through the pain of detachment. We spoke earlier about risks. We can either risk enduring the agony of regret, or the temporary sting from the discomfort of separation. I can tell you from my life, that anything that was removed made room for something better. I encourage you to be thankful for divine protection and create space for what you are meant to be and have.
Langley “Casual-Word” Shazor is a poet, author, publisher, entrepreneur, public speaking coach, podcast host, and pastor who is an advocate for youth and men. His goal is to enlighten, empower, and liberate those who are silenced, marginalized, and enslaved to self-destructive thoughts and behaviors.
Visit thecasualword.com.
