Sept. 28, 2007 — In a meeting filled with mixed messages, Human Services representatives spent an hour Thursday evening giving parents advice about disciplining their children: Though any kind of physical abuse is prohibited by law, they said, spanking a child on the buttocks — where it won't leave a mark — is allowed.
This policy was confirmed Friday afternoon by Human Services spokeswoman Monife Stout and Diane Jeffers, head of the department's pre-school programs.
"We do not advocate aggressive or rough discipline," Stout said when contacted. "We prefer that parents don't spank their children. But if they do, there is a way to discipline them without breaking the law. Spanking on the buttocks with an open palm, without aggression, is allowed."
Thursday's meeting, held at the department's newly refurbished Head Start building in Sugar Estate, started out on a positive note, with organizers urging the large group of parents who turned out for the event to distance themselves from their anger, and keep calm when dealing with troublesome children or situations.
"Some changes have to be made, but first we have to deal with our history and how we were all brought up," said Louwana St. Noire, the department's family services coordinator. "We have to be able to change that. Remember, even if your child does something wrong, you have to realize that as an adult, you're older and are supposed to have some kind of control over yourself."
Speaking after the meeting, St. Noire said the purpose of the event — which is held annually — is to provide some assistance for new parents coming into the department's Head Start programs, and to push them into developing "positive ways" of disciplining their children.
During the conference, St. Noire asked the group — which consisted of parents and children of all ages — how they generally discipline their youngsters.
"If you go to spank your child, how do you do it?" she asked.
"Use your hand," one parent said.
"Make sure you keep their clothes on when you do it, otherwise it will leave a mark," another said.
Shaking her head, St. Noire explained that a spank should only be applied to a child's buttocks.
"You know you're going to do it, so what we have to do is figure out a plan to save ourselves and our children," she said. "So if you decide you're going to spank them, do it on the child's buttocks."
Later in the meeting, St. Noire and co-lecturer Lisandra Latorre, the department's social services manager, reminded parents that a spank does not need to be applied forcefully.
"It's important to understand that the law is there to protect you," Latorre told parents. "But you don't need to use force to discipline them. And don't do anything when you're angry — it's important to calm down and think about what you're going to do before disciplining your child."
If a child shows up to school with bruises on their skin, the law has been violated, she added.
"It's important for you to keep within the safe zone," she said. "You don't have to use a lot of force. You can use your hand. It doesn't have to be a soft tap, but it doesn't have to be really hard, either."
One parent pointed out that younger children, with lighter-colored or more sensitive skin, bruise easily.
"So, if I hit them once with a belt, and it leaves a mark, then it doesn't mean that I’m abusing them," she said.
St. Noire and Latorre agreed.
"It's a thin line," Latorre said. "So, for your safety, understand the law. Some children may have lighter and thinner skin than others, so you may hit one child and then they'd have to take you away to jail."
Switching gears, the speakers said parents could also look for alternate ways to discipline their children, such as putting them in time out. If a child throws a tantrum inside a store, for example, don't hit them, Latorre said. It's better to carry the child outside and wait for them to calm down, she explained.
"What do you prefer to see: a child just being a child and acting out, or a mother beating that child like an animal?" St. Noire asked.
Some parents told stories of more troublesome children, who "refuse to sit down and listen" to what they're being told.
"If a child is determined not to sit down and listen to you, then there's something wrong with that child," St. Noire said. "It means that child is determined to be an adult, and you have to find out who's been hanging around them and teaching them to act that way."
Disciplining is about positive reinforcement, Latorre added. Parents should refrain from being negative, including calling their children names or ignoring them on a regular basis, she said.
"How we treat our children and what we do with them is how they're going to grow up," she said.
A father said he had contacted various individuals and agencies about problems he's had with his son, but so far had received no response.
"If your children are out of control and you've done you're best to fix things and can't do anything else, then maybe you needed to sign your child over to Human Services," St. Noire said.
She offered further advice later in the meeting.
"It's not a perfect system," St. Noire said. "But we do have people here to help. Make sure you tell them what's going on. Go to everyone you know and tell them what the issue is. Make sure you get help."
St. Noire also urged parents to really think about whether they can take care of a child before having sex.
"Before you open your legs, think long and hard, because once you have a child, you have a child for life," she said. "They need constant care and attention. So if you have them, make sure you have time to spend with them."
When contacted Friday, Jeffers explained that Human Services is required by law to disseminate certain information — such as policies about child abuse — to parents. Officials are not allowed to hit children participating in the department's Head Start programs, she added.
"Like we said before, we don't encourage spanking," she said. "But there is a way to do it in a controlled manner."
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