Jan. 1, 2004 – The Source mascot, a largely inert iguana named Idle, came crawling down from his sea grape tree the other day. While he has little interest in anything, including politics, he said he could not let 2003 simply slip into history without comment.
He did want it known, however, that the following pronouncements are made in good fun, not to be taken too seriously. And with that caveat, he hiked himself up on his hind feet, balanced on a branch, and let loose with his 2004 Wish List for the territory's most prominent public servants:
Gov. Charles W. Turnbull – the fortitude to hire a really good house cleaner to get rid of all those critters who have dwelt far too long in Government House.
Lt. Gov. Vargrave Richards – implementation of a plan any of those lurking about to stimulate the St. Croix economy.
Attorney General Iver Stridiron – his own radio station.
Delegate Donna M. Christensen – a flak jacket.
WAPA Executive Director Alberto Bruno-Vega – someone to steal Unit 22 (after making sure it's insured).
The Public Services Commission – a life-size photo of Bruno-Vega for the board room.
Port Authority Executive Director Darlan Brin – a clone to represent him on ceremonial occasions.
V.I. Inspector General Steven van Beverhoudt – more employees with peace-officer status than he knows what to do with.
Finance Commissioner Bernice Turnbull, Management and Budget Director Ira Mills, and Nathan Simmonds, director of the Governor's Office of Fiscal and Economic Recovery Implementation – a transparent abacus with a built-in logic feature.
Tourism Commissioner Pamela Richards – a year's supply of "While You Were Out…" phone call memo pads.
Human Services Commissioner Sedonie Halbert – a round of applause for pluck, caring and perseverance.
James O'Bryan Jr. – the governor's spokesman and St. Thomas/Water Island administrator – no comment.
Internal Revenue Director Louis Willis – a bucketful of bucks for those tax-refund checks still outstanding.
Kenneth Mapp, Public Finance Authority director of finance and administration – a public accounting of the cost of the PFA's elegant new Frenchtown digs.
The V.I. Legislature – a sense of humor.
The V I. voters – see "The V.I. Legislature."
Sen. Lorraine Berry – an ear trumpet to pick up on all those compliments coming from unlikely sources. Or a sludge detector.
Senate Majority Leader Douglas E. Canton Jr. – a bullhorn and a majority leader's manual to make himself heard over his predecessor.
Sen. Roosevelt David – industrial-strength glue to keep him in his seat for critical votes.
Sen. Adlah "Foncie" Donastorg – a gilt-framed letter of apology from Jeffrey Prosser, along with an audit going back 10 years of Innovative Communication Corp.
Sen. Carlton Dowe – his own direct TV line to the governor, so he won't have to make his pleas on the Senate floor.
Sen. Emmett Hansen II – a pneumatic tube to shoot the property tax revenues in his Infrastructure Act from the Finance Department straight to Public Works and WAPA.
Sen. Louis Hill – a gift-wrapped (in disposable paper) copy of the Waste Management Authority Act signed by the governor.
Senate President David Jones – a year's supply of Maalox to digest the governor's budget vetoes.
Sen. Norman Jn Baptiste – a year's tuition to the Actors Studio. Or a statue in the Legislature garden, a paean to his oratory.
Sen. Almando "Rocky" Liburd – the political will to get more eyesores like the rocks by Percy's Bus Stop expeditiously removed.
Sen. Shawn-Michael Malone – reams and reams of paper to keep the press releases flowing.
Sen. Luther Renee – some of Jones's Maalox to soften the budget blow, and paper to write a V.I. economists' manual.
Senate Minority Leader Usie Richards – a copy of "Mason's Manual of Legislative Procedure" to share with Jones.
Sen. Ronald Russell – his own copy of "Mason's Manual of Legislative Procedure."
Sen. Celestino A. White Sr. – I'm only a humble iguana; what can I say? Perhaps encouragement by his colleagues to help him come out of his shell.
Idle and the Source staff wish our readers peace, love and humor for the new year.
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