In recent days we have seen an eruption of violence in our islands, much of it involving teens or children.
Several people have responded in various media as to the cause of this epidemic of violence, each person making valid points.
However, the problem is much broader and deeper than just one or two causes.
We must visit the core beliefs that surround children — their value to us as a society and as individual families.
We must look at the home environments these children are exposed to and ask ourselves very difficult and often painful questions.
If we want to find answers and therefore solutions, we must look in our collective mirror with unflinching honesty or we cannot hope to end this slaughter. We must look at parenting and parents' responsibility, our basic values, our educational system, our awareness of the reality of what is happening.
In a series of articles, we propose to explore different aspects of this many-faceted problem. Perhaps if we begin to uncover some of origins of the problems, we can then begin to come together to find solutions.
It is so easy to blame someone or everything else when our child goes wrong. It is so easy to say, "The school didn't meet their responsibilities," or "They fell in with a bad crowd" or "His father isn't around" or "Her mother works all day."
Blame placing doesn't lend itself to positive reactions. It puts everyone on the defensive.
Can we just be honest and admit that we all have let our youth down? Partly because society has changed, it's true.
We don't have extended families living together or nearby anymore. We don't have neighbors at home during the day to keep an eye on everyone's children and let us know when they are not behaving as we would wish.
Then you have the overcrowded schools which require split shifts with children going to school so early in the morning and being released during the day with no activities to keep them busy or else idle during morning and then in school until almost dark.
The children we deal with are often left to care for themselves for whatever reason. No intact family — mother is off working late at night, then sleeping during the day; older children are made responsible for younger ones, even if they are not really old enough to take on such a burden. Children as young as 7 and 8 years old are cooking meals for a younger sibling, staying alone during the night. When a parent could be there, they are more interested in spending time with their friends than being with their children.
If we are to change any of this, it must begin with our basic values. Teaching love and respect for everyone. Instilling discipline and caring in every child for themselves and for others. When children feel loved and listened to, they believe they matter. If they believe they matter, they develop self-respect.
We must erase this belief that we can keep bringing children into the world for our own selfish reasons and own up to the fact that children who grow up without both parents being involved in their lives (not necessarily in the same household), often are the ones who have problems with authority and don't do well in school or life in general.
The bottom line is, we all have to take back our community. We have to be a family in the true sense of the word.
Each of us must assume responsibility for every member of our family. We have to be willing to stand up for basic moral values and teach respect, honesty and the value of hard work by example.
We must each be willing to say, this child cannot be left without supervision; cannot be abused and neglected; cannot be sexually molested. This woman cannot be beaten and treated like property and her children like bargaining chips in a game of "oneupsmanship."
In short, we must become a true village and raise our children together to the benefit of all. Then we can begin to expect to have a peaceful society.
Parents must make the rearing of their children a No. 1 priority, even if it means not having the latest outfit, jewelry or fancy car.
These children truly are our future. They will be our governors, police personnel, workers, doctors, farmers, etc. They will, in a very real sense, run our world — at a time when we are older and much more vulnerable.
It is in our own best interest to ensure that the young children of today grow up to be responsible, honorable, ethical, respectful leaders of tomorrow.
In future columns, we will explore the role of guns, parenting skills, violence in the home and other issues related to our children and violence.
Editor's note: Kidscope Inc. is a private, not-for-profit organization dedicated to serving our abused, neglected, sexually molested children and our children at risk. Kidscope also works with families to create strength and respect for all the members and help establish a better family unit. You can reach Kidscope at 714-1012 or via e-mail at kidscope@viaccess.net.
