I can’t remember who said that February was the cruelest month. But whoever it was, he or she sure got it right, at least in this northern part of the world. And so far, March has been no great bargain either. Virgin Islanders can gloat, but you should also have some empathy for those of us in the States, freezing in the cold and dark, on our knees praying nightly for daylight saving time and some above-freezing temperatures.
Then there is the news, none of it good. Our sixth year of recession, whatever the GDP statistics say, a federal government that is in some stage of meltdown and daily pictures of another destroyed Syrian city, all tributes to human stupidity, aggression and shortsightedness.
I used to think of these as political, organizational, ethical or moral concerns. Or as problems to be solved. More and more, I think we have major species issues.
I know that there are good human role models out there, but I have serious doubts that there are enough to go around. Maybe these dark thoughts are a result of the end of winter blues. Would I be thinking these things if I were walking along the beach at Magens Bay on a sunny day? Who knows?
There used to be a discussion program on French television. At the end, the host would ask the guests three questions: What is your favorite sound? What is your favorite blasphemy? And, if you believed in reincarnation, what would you want to come back as? To the last question, most of the guests, all big intellectuals, responded with things like a philosopher, a Trappist monk or an explorer.
The more I thought about the reincarnation question, the more I realized that I had pretty much had it with humans. I would want to come back as a housecat with a good owner, namely me. That was the rub. If you are dead and come back as a housecat, there are no guarantees of a good owner for reasons that are obvious. The dead you is now the cat.
At any rate, given our species issues, I think it is worth looking beyond humans for our organizational and political role models. I nominate housecats and have done in-depth research on the subject by observing Sliver and Lulita, our two resident felines. Here are the documented cat qualities that our human leaders should at least try to emulate, assuming that we are not yet ready to have cat CEOs, commissioners or hedge fund managers:
Aim high, but don’t overreach: Humans have a penchant for either not trying hard enough or overreaching. The results are usually bad. Cats do neither. We have a kitchen counter that is approximately 4-feet high. Sliver is about 10 inches tall. She regularly – and effortlessly – hops up on the counter in search of attention or to have her head scratched. Our refrigerator is 6- feet high. There is stuff up there that the cats would like to get their paws on. They never try. They aim high, but they don’t overreach
Use creative intelligence: When confronted with problems, humans often get frustrated or look for someone to blame. Not housecats. They are 100 percent solution-focused. For example, Sliver and Lulita have two food bowls, one in the kitchen and one in the bedroom. From time to time, they will empty one at an inopportune time, say the middle of the night. A hungry human would probably just bite the bullet, give up and go to sleep hungry. Not a cat.
Let’s assume that it is 3 a.m., the kitchen food bowl is empty, and the bedroom door is closed. Insoluble problem, right? Not at all. Lulita simply slips her paw under the bedroom door and rattles it until it is more painful for you to try to sleep than to get up and let her in. And, unlike humans who tend to give up too quickly, she knows that, eventually, if she keeps rattling, you’ll crack.
Integrate strategy and tactics: All too often, humans don’t focus on execution and getting things done. Housecats are results-oriented. For example, getting the spot under the warmth of the desk lamp is a top priority, especially in winter. If Lulita arrives there first, Sliver will quietly sit behind her, tap her tail every 30 seconds and patiently wait until Lulita is so frustrated by the harassment that she leaves. Sliver then settles in for the day. Strategy, tactics, results.
Stay fit/hydrate/nap: Housecats can lead us out of the cesspool of human sloth into which our overweight and unfit species has fallen. Cat wellness programs touch all of the bases. For example, each night, just after everyone has fallen asleep, Sliver and Lulita begin their workout. Catfights are the feline version of jogging and Pilates. They tear around the house, chasing each other, hissing, growling and cursing. At the end, they are exhausted, but they have never reported an injury. It’s all drama. But they achieve high levels of cardio-fitness and keep off those unwanted extra pounds.
The cats know that hydration is critical to good health and high performance. In hydrating, they also demonstrate that they understand the dangers in multitasking. They only drink from the fish bowl. The previous resident of the bowl, Jason, the beta fish, would dive down to the bottom as soon as one of the cats showed up for a drink. The cats would drink their water and then scope out the possibilities. Since Jason stayed at the bottom, they left him alone. He died of old age and is buried in the back yard.
Jason’s successor, Fumbles, employed a different approach, seeing a turf issue where none really existed. He would stay up at the top to try to run the cats off. Once again, Sliver and Lulita stayed focused on job one, hydration, making sure that they had drunk enough before their upcoming night workout. But, at some point, they finished drinking. And Fumbles had stayed near the top of the bowl. Services were recently held after Lulita puked up Fumbles’ remains. He was buried at sea, actually what was left of him was flushed down the toilet.
Finally, as we know, humans are stressed out and don’t get enough rest. Cats are always well-rested and always ready to take another nap. And they are consistent: snack, stretch, clean up, plop, sleep. Emerson said, “Consistency is the hobgoblin of small minds.” I don’t think so.
Focus on things that are controllable: Sliver and Lulita occasionally watch television news. But it is clear that they do not obsess over things that they can’t control. They probably know that it’s a bad thing to have Dennis Rodman negotiating a nuclear agreement with North Korea. But what can they do about it? They may be moved by the tear-jerking ASPCA ads, but even though it is their own species that pitifully stares out at us, “their own people,” so to speak, they understand that there is little that they can do. So they take a nap.
Build trust: Housecats understand the importance of trust. If they trust you, you can scratch their stomachs or their most vulnerable spots, or you can clip their claws. They focus on the most meaningful relationships and nurture them to achieve results.
Nitpickers, critics and humanoids will say that these cats are slackers who have never worked a day in their lives, that having been neutered, they don’t have family responsibilities, and that they don’t even clean their own litter boxes. All true. But let’s look at the big picture: clear priorities, a focus on results, critical thinking, maintaining physical and mental fitness, and building trust-based relationships. A pretty impressive list.
The cat management niche seems to be undiscovered, which means that, if it seized the opportunity, the Virgin Islands could be the global leader in the field. Start small, possibly by assigning cat consultants to key agencies, ordering low performers to take a cat home and watch it for a week, holding cat webinars or discussion groups. The possibilities are endless.
