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Charlotte Amalie
Thursday, March 28, 2024
HomeNewsArchivesUndercurrents: Foster Home Aims to Construct Family

Undercurrents: Foster Home Aims to Construct Family

A regular Source feature, Undercurrents explores issues, ideas and events as they develop beneath the surface in the Virgin Islands community.

If anyone knows what it’s like to be a foster parent, it’s Wenceslas Smith. She and her husband, Winston Smith, have been caring for other people’s children for 22 years. While many people volunteer to foster one or two children, the Smiths have helped to raise scores of them.

Currently they have three foster children in their St. Thomas home, a 6-year-old, a 9-year-old and a 13-year old. They’ve had more and they’ve had fewer. They’ve cared for children of all ages, from babies to older teens.

Meanwhile, they raised their own children, two boys and a girl, and they have seven grandchildren.

Smith said that she and her husband are “the only therapeutic foster home,” a certification through the Department of Human Services, which allows them to include troubled children in their care.

Smith said she tries to make the foster children feel as if they’re no different from her own children. She takes them to church, to Pathfinders, to choir, to take part in a variety of activities, she said, adding that she encourages them in homework and goes to school meetings about their progress. “Once you educate a child, you have a better society,” she said.

“They call me ‘Ma’ or they call me ‘Grandma’ because they hear my grandchildren call me that,” she explained.

“Some of them come without any boundaries,” Smith said. No one has taught them the basics about taking pride in their appearance and behavior, about respecting others and getting along with people.

Smith posts the Rules of the House in the kitchen. They include such things as No fighting, and Bring disputes to Smith.

“It takes a little while for them to adjust, but they do,” she said. “Some catch on quick and some you have to keep working with.”

Smith recalled one young lady who loved fried chicken. One day Smith instructed the girl to help prepare a meal; she was to clean a chicken. The girl refused. No problem. Later when the rest of the kids sat down to fried chicken, Smith gave the girl a peanut butter sandwich.

“I tell my kids all the time: ‘There’s consequences for your behavior,’” Smith said.

For younger children, it may be a “time out” for misbehavior. For older children, it may be taking away a privilege, such as going swimming at the beach. But Smith also has a policy of “giving grace” – a second chance for misdemeanors.

“We live as a family in here. What happens in here, stays in here,” she said.

Smith resolves most disputes, she said, but also has backup when needed. If there’s a big problem, a social worker and/or administrator from Human Services will intervene and come to the house to hold a meeting and find a resolution.

Smith knows some of her charges come from bad situations. In some cases their parents are either unable or unwilling to care for them. But often the children may blame themselves for being in foster care instead of with their biological families.

“I tell them: ‘It’s not your fault,’ ” she said. She also tells them they have power over their own lives and the ability to change if they want. “Don’t pattern bad behavior; break your cycle,” is her advice.

How many Virgin Islands children have passed through her door?

“I can’t even count. A lot,” she said. “I would say over 100.”

Although she can only guess at the total, Smith says she hasn’t forgotten the individuals. Even those who have turned 18 and are no longer in the system tend to keep in contact.

“They call you back,” she said. “Although they’re an adult, they still depend on your advice.” And they get it. “It doesn’t finish for us.”

Smith said being a foster parent has to be “a gift from God” and that she was inspired to get involved when she was working at the V.I. Housing Authority and regularly saw children who needed help.

“If you’re not helping, you’re part of the problem,” she said. But it’s not all work. “You get a reward” every time you can improve another person’s life.

(Next week: Foster parents who would rather be adoptive parents.)

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