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Charlotte Amalie
Friday, August 19, 2022
HomeNewsArchivesCoach Paradise: Distant Man Keeps Woman Guessing

Coach Paradise: Distant Man Keeps Woman Guessing

Dear Coach Paradise,
I have been dating a man for the past year — on and off. I really like him a lot, and when we are together we get along and enjoy each other's company. What is bothering me is that he isn't as available or as demonstrative as I would like. I know I'll see him, but not when, and I know he likes me, but I keep feeling unsure and insecure and not really knowing where I stand. I know that he is a distant type of man and has been through a lot in his life, and I can accept that. But I keep wondering if this is going to work out or not, and it keeps me in a state of anxiety. I have a friend who has been working with a relationship coach and I thought I would see what a coach has to say about my situation.
Signed,
Wanting more
Dear Wanting,
Wouldn't it be great if we could create our ideal mates and live happily ever after in mutual bliss? Relationship coaching of the law-of-attraction variety would say that we can — and that we are always a vibrational match for the people we attract into our lives. So, whether you are happy with your current relationships or not, coaching shines the light back at you and helps you to do some vibrational tune-ups and cleansing to get free of limiting beliefs and unconscious stuff that holds us back.
Acknowledge that the people in your life have been drawn there for a reason — they are your teachers, and you would be doing them and yourself a great disservice if you didn't appreciate the gifts that they bear — even if those gifts are not what you think you really want in the long run. Sometimes it is good to be in a relationship that is lacking in some quality — just to remind you of how important that quality is, or maybe that it doesn't matter after all. Your new friend sounds like he has many qualities that make you happy. Focus on those and on the ways that you two click that is so pleasing to both of you. Make a point of appreciating the time you do spend with him and the things that he does that makes him a desirable.
Keeping your focus on what is going right invites more of the same into the relationship and into your life. Changing your own energy will have an influence on his energy. Spend as little time as possible dwelling on the negatives and on what you fear will or won't work out. Whenever you notice your thoughts and emotions heading in that direction, remind yourself of what you do want, and imagine that it's already happening, and how good it feels.
As you move through your day, hold on to this good feeling and let it light up everything you do and every person you meet. Let the good energy help you to accomplish what makes you happy and enjoy your life above and beyond this new man. This light and energy and lack of attachment to what he does or doesn't do will make you irresistibly attractive — not only to him, but also to everyone else you encounter. Including, possibly, the person who will be there for you in the way you want.
Wanting implies lack. When you focus on what isn't, you invite more of that into your life. Appreciation is to focus on what is pleasing and invites more of the same into your life — the good stuff.
To appreciating more and wanting less,
Coach Paradise
Editor's note: Coach Paradise (AKA Anne Nayer), Professional Life Coach, is a member of the International Coaching Federation, an MSW clinical social worker-psychotherapist and a medical case manager with 30 years experience working with people of all shapes, sizes and challenges. For further information about her services, call 774-4355, visit her website or email her.

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Dear Coach Paradise,
I have been dating a man for the past year -- on and off. I really like him a lot, and when we are together we get along and enjoy each other's company. What is bothering me is that he isn't as available or as demonstrative as I would like. I know I'll see him, but not when, and I know he likes me, but I keep feeling unsure and insecure and not really knowing where I stand. I know that he is a distant type of man and has been through a lot in his life, and I can accept that. But I keep wondering if this is going to work out or not, and it keeps me in a state of anxiety. I have a friend who has been working with a relationship coach and I thought I would see what a coach has to say about my situation.
Signed,
Wanting more
Dear Wanting,
Wouldn't it be great if we could create our ideal mates and live happily ever after in mutual bliss? Relationship coaching of the law-of-attraction variety would say that we can -- and that we are always a vibrational match for the people we attract into our lives. So, whether you are happy with your current relationships or not, coaching shines the light back at you and helps you to do some vibrational tune-ups and cleansing to get free of limiting beliefs and unconscious stuff that holds us back.
Acknowledge that the people in your life have been drawn there for a reason -- they are your teachers, and you would be doing them and yourself a great disservice if you didn't appreciate the gifts that they bear -- even if those gifts are not what you think you really want in the long run. Sometimes it is good to be in a relationship that is lacking in some quality -- just to remind you of how important that quality is, or maybe that it doesn't matter after all. Your new friend sounds like he has many qualities that make you happy. Focus on those and on the ways that you two click that is so pleasing to both of you. Make a point of appreciating the time you do spend with him and the things that he does that makes him a desirable.
Keeping your focus on what is going right invites more of the same into the relationship and into your life. Changing your own energy will have an influence on his energy. Spend as little time as possible dwelling on the negatives and on what you fear will or won't work out. Whenever you notice your thoughts and emotions heading in that direction, remind yourself of what you do want, and imagine that it's already happening, and how good it feels.
As you move through your day, hold on to this good feeling and let it light up everything you do and every person you meet. Let the good energy help you to accomplish what makes you happy and enjoy your life above and beyond this new man. This light and energy and lack of attachment to what he does or doesn't do will make you irresistibly attractive -- not only to him, but also to everyone else you encounter. Including, possibly, the person who will be there for you in the way you want.
Wanting implies lack. When you focus on what isn't, you invite more of that into your life. Appreciation is to focus on what is pleasing and invites more of the same into your life -- the good stuff.
To appreciating more and wanting less,
Coach Paradise
Editor's note: Coach Paradise (AKA Anne Nayer), Professional Life Coach, is a member of the International Coaching Federation, an MSW clinical social worker-psychotherapist and a medical case manager with 30 years experience working with people of all shapes, sizes and challenges. For further information about her services, call 774-4355, visit her website or email her.