Dear Coach Paradise,
I am a man of a certain age. I pride myself on looking and feeling youthful and energetic. I have truly never even thought that there was something that I couldn’t do because of physical/age-related limitations. That is, until last year, when I had two minor surgeries — one right after the other. I have recovered, but it took a long time — much longer than I thought. I wasn’t able to stay as active as I usually am, so I’m feeling out of shape and heavier than I have ever been. I keep saying, “I have lost my boyish figure.”
I don’t like the way I’m feeling and the fact that I have to be careful of what I do. I also don’t like the idea that this may be just the beginning. I get to feeling depressed and, to be honest, am scared about the whole idea of getting old. I am definitely not ready to sit around and complain about my physical ailments or sit around at all, for that matter, but I would like to come up with a healthier, happier way to relate to this next stage of life. I wonder if coaching could help me get a better handle on the inevitable.
Forever Young
Dear Forever Young,
I acknowledge you for realizing that “getting a handle” is crucial to your enjoyment of the ride, whether you picture this as a strap on a subway car or a bar on a roller coaster or simply as the knob on a doorway opening onto a spacious, joyful next chapter of your life.
I believe that we are spiritual beings in physical bodies, which is perhaps why we often “feel” like the same person we have always been, despite the changes we go through during our lifetime. It’s that “what happened?” in the mirror that begins with the self-consciousness of adolescence and continues through discovering gray hair and wrinkles. We have a lot of conclusions about what a particular age “looks and feels like," so that when people say “you don’t look 50-something,” you feel like you have tricked time — when, in fact, you are one example of what 50-something looks like! It certainly gets you thinking about what feeling young is, above and beyond bungee jumping or being able to stay up all night with no ill effects.
What makes you feel alive? This is the key at any age. Think about it. Create a list. Some items may remain constant (ex: music, sex, sunsets, coffee …). Some may change from time to time — based on interests, experience, opportunity, desire or limitations. The more that brings you pleasure, the more flexibility you bring to the table. If you can no longer do or have A, B has much to recommend it. You hold the key to your own enjoyment — pleasure is everywhere if you cultivate the capacity in yourself.
It is natural to feel sadness at not being able to do something that you love.
It is good to acknowledge and mourn your losses. Life is full of them. What happens next is up to you. You get to choose how you want to show up. If your “eternal” inner self is able to remain grateful for the opportunities that are always showing up and committed to being "engaged," you are bound to find the fun along the way — not to mention true satisfaction, wisdom, personal growth etc. … and all those other fun perks of sticking around.
Start making your list. What turns you on? When you look around, who are the older people you admire the most? Who do you want to grow up to be? It’s never too late to have a happy childhood. (Or is it second childhood?)
To your outrageous pleasure,
Coach Paradise
Editor's note: Coach Paradise (AKA Anne Nayer), Professional Life Coach, is a member of the International Coaching Federation, an MSW clinical social worker-psychotherapist and a medical case manager with 30 years experience working with people of all shapes, sizes and challenges.
For further information about her services, call 774-4355 or email her.
