Dear Coach Paradise,
Valentine's Day is coming up and once again I am without a valentine. I cant count on flowers, candy or diamonds from anyone I know and am feeling down in the dumps and wondering if I am going to be alone for the rest of my life. I keep telling myself this is only a hallmark holiday, but I dont believe it. I am jealous of people who are in love and in loving relationships.
I know I am not the only person in this situation, but this doesnt make me feel any better. I would love to figure out a creative way to enjoy this day and avoid sinking into depression and too much chocolate by myself. I have heard about relationship coaching. Does this work even if you are not in a relationship?
Looking for Love
Dear Looking for Love,
you need a mini-lesson in the law of attraction and pointers on how to be irresistibly attractive. May this response serve as a reminder of how the world works and inspire you to get in a better feeling place. By the way its great that you desire more love in your life. Better than being cynical, resigned, over it or angry. Desire counts for a lot.
The law of attraction states that whatever you focus on, you draw to yourself. This means that when you focus on what you want, you are attracting what you want into your life. I can hear you grumbling that you have been focused on attracting a perfect partner, so where is he (she?).
From your letter it sounds like you have allowed your focus to veer to loneliness, being single, feeling left out and how loveless you life is — and that that is what you are drawing to yourself. Feel like youve just been hit over the head?
It goes for anything we want: money, great job, new car, promotion etc. Our thoughts race in an often unfocused way so that we spend as much time worrying about what may go wrong, about not getting the money, car, great job, great relationship.
According to the law of attraction, whatever we focus on we draw to ourselves no exceptions to the rule. To be even clearer, when we focus on lack (lack of love, lack of money etc.) what we attract into our lives is lack. Look around.
So, focus on a great relationship and lots of love in your life. Picture it, draw it, write about it, collage it and, most of all, feel it as already present in your life. Collect evidence for the fact that love and loving relationships are possible. Happy couples, people who love one another are evidence that you are in the vicinity and are drawing this energy into YOUR life.
The fact that they have it doesnt mean you dont, wont, cant (get rid of those words). Be grateful for the love that you have enjoyed in your life and are enjoying now friends, family, neighbors and even pets. Be open to all possibilities and excited about the new relationship you are, at this very moment, attracting. Be excited. Be very excited. When your focus wavers, bring your thoughts (and feelings) back to focusing on what you want. This takes practice.
Whenever Valentines Day rolls around, whatever my relationship status, I always remember a friend and her request to me on a Valentines Day about 10 years ago. She was gravely ill and was in Florida for medical treatment. She had two young children who had stayed in St. Thomas with their father. She asked me to go to Roses Too and buy two-dozen roses and distribute them to her kids teachers and people who had done loving things for her and her family during her illness. I will never forget that day. I set out with my daughter who was then about 6 or 7. We bought ribbon and babys breath along with the roses and spent the day delivering long-stemmed roses to the people on my friends list and to a long list of our own that included a young sailor who needed a gift for his girl, an old woman whose eyes lit up as she inhaled the perfume, strangers on the street whose day was transformed by this random act of Valentines Day kindness and our own loved ones and friends.
I have thought about repeating this every Valentines Day in memory of my friend and think it is a great example of making the law of attraction visible. Focus on love attract love. Give and receive. It may not appear just as you pictured or in the timeframe you have in mind but it sure opens up the channel for love in-love out and goes a long way toward clearing out the cobwebs and negative blockages to help you to allow an abundance of everything you desire into your life.
Share the chocolates and know that whatever you focus on will appear. Focus on love, feeling good and have an extraordinary Valentines Day.
Editor's note: Coach Paradise (AKA Anne Nayer), Professional Life Coach, is a member of the International Coaching Federation, an MSW clinical social worker-psychotherapist and a medical case manager with 30 years experience working with people of all shapes, sizes and challenges.
For further information about her services, call 774-4355 or email her.